Breaking Up and Breaking New Ground

The old studio gutted out and packed away. Who sleeps there now I wonder. If walls could talk.

I can faintly remember it now. The stale moldy smell, the shards of broken glass embedded in the rug, the stains of oil paint and cheap wine soiling carpet fibers, the rickety door that never quite closed right and most importantly, my overly productive output. It has been several months since I left my small town studio of five years for the random flicking lights of the city in hopes of change in health and mental stability.

I found neither.

What I did find were 19 hour days due to a morbid inability to sleep correctly, a constant bead of sweat upon my brow and a city that is screaming for diversification more than I am.

I clearly could not compete. That's my fault. I was socially out matched and out numbered in a city of just under 2.2 million people. So I did what just came naturally having learned how to escape the monotone of  small town doldrums. I drank and smoked days and months at a time away. Ignoring my purpose as to why I decided to move to the city in the first place. And now, after several liquidated bank accounts and maxed credit cards later. I'm in trouble way too deep in what is probably the most important time of my adult life.

The months piled up upon each other quickly, like the ear splitting auditory layers of consistent emergency vehicle sirens blaring in the distance. The sound of delivery trucks hissing their air brakes every hour on the hour all day to the beat of AM radio traffic updates. Reminding me the city never sleeps as they unload goods at a neighboring grocery store.

I am easy prey in the concrete jungle.

Filthy, baby.

Nevertheless, I do find time to work on my art. The lack of a studio and a place to work privately as proven most difficult to truly get any real work done. In a six moth period my output has dramatically decreased to a snail like pace causing self doubt and creative anxiety. I suppose this is natural for any artist that is trying to reevaluate his life and source of inspiration. At the very least, I can only hope that I'm doing that much.

Below is the work I've done over a six month period. Just a handful of canvases and a short film. Now is the time I need to be the most hardest on myself. And yet, how much of that I generally avoid. In some sick sense of saving myself from accepting my actual age and my self worth in the real world where financial stability and security is crucial and yet, a fading commodity.

I'm stuck between a rock and a losing face.

"Invocation"

*Mixed media on canvas*

"Embrace"

*Oil paint and pencil on canvas*

"Woman Scorned"

*Mixed media on canvas*

"Portrait of Jeanelle"

*Mixed media on canvas*

"Soul Of A Clown"
"Mixed Media on canvas panel"

"Beheaded" (Self Portrait)

*Mixed media on canvas panel*

"Santa Muerte" (Saint Death)

*Mixed media on canvas panel*

"You Look So Much Like Your Father But, Remind Me So Much Of Your Mother!"
*Mixed media on computer printer paper*

"Sleeping Cat & Figure"
*Mixed media on computer printer paper*

"King Nothing"
*Mixed media on computer printer paper*

"A Perversion of Flight"

*Oil paint, pencil and pastel on canvas*

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The following is a short film I recently finished after months and months of avoiding it. This one is the longest video I've made yet. Enjoy.

View more of my short film work on my Posterous Video Art Page here: HERE

GARNER PARK